Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
