Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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