Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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