Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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