We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
