Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
