glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
