Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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