She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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