we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
