I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
