apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
