if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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