I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i will never coherently bang her
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We are all done wearing pants today
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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