Can i not drive my cunt home
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
