I wish I only lived at night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
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Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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