and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The struggles of a small town man whore
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
