How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
