A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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