mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
