it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
