I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
