My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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