nut hugger
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
