Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish I only lived at night.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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