I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
