It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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