He asked me if I "almost moaned"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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