can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
one might say we're banned from that church
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
