Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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