You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
