Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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