The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
