can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
