mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
