Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
