she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
