I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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