he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
