PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
