What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
