I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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