there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
