After last night, I could never be a politician.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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