who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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