i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
