if you like me you must not know who I am
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
