im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
