I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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