Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
