So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
