yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
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Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My bed smells like the plague
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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