Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
