Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
