Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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