Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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