OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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