i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Randomize
