he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
