I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
