you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
