she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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