why didn't you poke me back
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
