Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
