I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
