OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
