im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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