Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I am available for nakedness
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
