I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
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I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.