Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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