Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem