I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
