Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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